Unforeseen Fallout from the Supreme Court Decision on Marriage Equality
Home Depot runs out of wedding-themed gift cards.
Glitter-spandex chafing incidents skyrocket in emergency rooms.
Netflix streaming grinds to a halt due to too many subscribers attempting to watch “The West Wing” at once.
Around the country, gay men and women brace themselves for the question from their mothers: “Why aren’t you married yet?”
Wedding planners nationwide update their lists of florists to include that one on the other side of town that does the fancy, avant-garde arrangements.
North Dakota tourism board unrolls their “Remember how much you liked Fargo? Please come back!” campaign.
“Everybody Loves Raymond” to be rebooted as a vehicle for Zach Braff and Nick Jonas.
No report of earthquakes, fires, floods, tornados or other acts of God’s wrath, but the country’s pastors struggled to drop Macklemore lyrics into their Sunday sermons without sounding silly.
Antonin Scalia spent the weekend at home, watching “How Green Was My Valley” on repeat and eating fried baloney sandwiches.
Big Gay Ice Cream shop to open outposts in Missouri, Georgia and Mississippi; state residents are heard to exclaim, “Wait, gay people like ice cream?! We like ice cream!”
California, relieved of its obligation to serve as the nation’s Genuine West, gently drifts out to sea on a float made of rainbow balloons.
Divorce lawyers across the U.S. prepare “When you’re ready to say NO to same-sex marriage!” ads.
Indigo books a “Where are They Now?” segment at the Crayola website, catching up on his life since he got cut from the rainbow.
Ruth Bader Ginsberg high fives Justices Kagan, Sotomayer, and Breyer, pats Justice Kennedy on the ass and texts POTUS: “Now I can sleep through as many State of the Unions as I want, right, Barack?”